By: Nick Perkins
“Well, you can’t cook and your sister is hotter!” you yell into your cellphone. And then you press the ‘End’ button super aggressively because you can’t slam phones anymore.
With that, your relationship is now over. The signs had been there for a while; you should have noticed them. She didn’t look at you the same anymore. Her calls became less and less frequent. And also, she cheated on you whilst on vacation in Punta Cana. That’s a sign you probably should have noticed.
Regardless, it’s over now and it’s time to move on to bigger (boobs) and better things. So, take a deep breath, have a good cry and gather yourself together, because you are single and The District is the perfect place to mingle.
That being said, it’s also a very small area in a very small town. People talk. So to save you from any potentially embarrassing scenarios, we’ve compiled a list of the best and worst things you could possibly do when looking for a date in Downtown Casper.
These are the Dos and Don’ts of Dating in The District.
Do: Take a date to Karaoke Night or Singo Bingo at The Office.
Don’t: Sing Tainted Love during Karaoke because “it reminds me of my ex.”
Do: Order a delicious hot or cold beverage and listen to one of the many local musicians that play the Metro stage. Also tip your barista.
Don’t: Try to get some PG-13 rated action on one of the many comfortable couches. They’re there for reading, writing and talking. Not for under-the-shirt-over-the-bra stuff.
Do: Treat her to the best burgers in Casper, with some of the best servers in town.
Don’t: Tell her who owns it.
Do: Go to Rock the Block every Thursday this summer for food, live music, dancing and drinks!
Don’t: Block the…well…you know. If you’re with a girl and she seems more interested in somebody else, just let her go. Hey. HEY! *whispers* Just let her go, man.
Do: Enjoy a picnic, a concert or Summer Movie Night every week throughout the summer.
Don’t: Let people make you feel weird just because you’re at a kid’s movie but don’t actually have kids.
Do: Buy her a cupcake.
Don’t: Call her ‘cupcake.’
Do: Get her a shot at Casper’s best dive-bar.
Don’t: Get her shot at Casper’s best dive-bar. It’s kind of a tough crowd, ya know? And the regulars don’t take kindly to Prada-wearing, Snapchatting prima donnas. So don’t bring her to Frosty’s if she sucks.
(Just kidding. Frosty’s accepts everybody)
Do: Take a photography class together, taught by one of the great WCO employees, using various equipment from Canon, Tamron and more.
Don’t: Send her a dick pic.
Do: Buy her a drink, buy her food, dance with her and play and defeat her in classic arcade games like Pac-Man, Mario Kart and more.
Don’t: Think that actually entitles you to anything.